One of the questions I hear most often is this:
“What do you actually say when you approach someone?”
The way people ask it, you’d think there was a secret code. A magic phrase. Some clever line that unlocks attraction instantly—like a cheat code in a video game.
But when I give the real answer, most people are disappointed.
What do I say?
“Hello.”
“Excuse me.”
That’s it. Nothing fancy. Nothing complicated.
Why People Don’t Believe It
Most men assume there must be something more. That somewhere out there is a perfect phrase that will erase rejection and eliminate nerves.
But here’s the reality: you already know the words.
If you’re a native English speaker, you already have a bigger vocabulary and more natural ways of saying hello than I do. I’m Japanese. English isn’t my first language. And yet I’ve approached thousands of strangers successfully, in English.
Clearly, the secret isn’t the words. It’s the mindset behind them.
Knowing vs. Doing
Everyone knows how to say “Hi.” Everyone knows how to ask, “How are you?” But most people never do it when it matters.
They freeze. They overthink. They imagine rejection before it even happens.
That’s the difference. I don’t use better words. I just use the simple ones we all know. I open my mouth. I take the risk. I face the moment most people avoid.
And that single act—choosing to act instead of hesitate—is where confidence is built.
My Own Journey
Back when I lived in Japan, I spent years approaching strangers. At first, I was awkward and nervous, but I pushed myself out of my comfort zone again and again. Over time, it became natural.
That training is why street interviews felt so easy for me later. Talking to strangers wasn’t a new skill—it was already part of me.
When I began traveling and doing the same thing in English, it felt similar. My words weren’t perfect, but the mindset was the same: take the first step, risk rejection, and show up with presence.
The words changed. The mindset didn’t.
The Hard Truth
Mindset isn’t built overnight. You don’t read one book and suddenly become fearless. You don’t watch one video and magically gain confidence.
Confidence is like a muscle. You build it through repetition, patience, and yes—failure.
You can’t get stronger without lifting weight. You can’t get resilient without being knocked down. You can’t become confident without stepping into fear.
Why Searching for Lines Doesn’t Work
If the right phrase could buy confidence, the world would be full of charismatic men. But that’s not reality.
Most men chase lines because it feels easier than facing rejection. They’d rather memorize someone else’s opener than do the hard work of building resilience.
But every time you rely on a script, you skip the training that actually matters. And without that strength, no line will save you.
How Confidence Really Grows
Confidence doesn’t come from clever words. It comes from the courage to speak when you feel nervous.
It grows when you risk embarrassment and realize you’re still okay.
It grows when you hear “no” and see that life goes on.
It grows when you face fear again and again until it loses its control over you.
Every time you do this, your mental muscle strengthens.
A Simple Analogy
Think about your first time at a gym. You felt weak, clumsy, maybe embarrassed. But after a few weeks, the weights didn’t feel as heavy. Your body adapted.
Approaching strangers is the same. The first few times are terrifying. Your heart races, your hands sweat, your words stumble. But if you keep showing up, you adapt. The fear doesn’t vanish, but it stops controlling you.
That’s when you realize rejection isn’t the end. It’s just part of the process.
What To Do Instead
Instead of searching for the perfect line, train your mindset:
- Start small—say hello to a stranger.
- Repeat daily—make it a habit.
- Learn from failure—every “no” is feedback.
- Raise the difficulty—longer conversations, more attractive people, groups instead of individuals.
- Reflect—notice progress and celebrate small wins.
Confidence grows through practice, not perfection.
The Real Secret
In the end, confidence isn’t in the phrase. It’s not about tricks or memorized lines.
It’s about the courage to act, to risk, and to speak. The men who succeed in attraction, business, and relationships aren’t the ones with the fanciest words. They’re the ones who trained their mindset until fear no longer held them back.
So the real question isn’t, “What do I say?”
It’s, “Am I willing to act?”
Because that’s where confidence lives.
If you enjoyed this perspective and want to learn more practical steps to build confidence and connect with women naturally, I share them in my free newsletter, The Global Attraction Blueprint. You can join here: The Global Attraction Blueprint.
